Serving up Unnecessary Compliments
Working as a waitress, especially when I’m cocktail serving, means I have to put up with a lot from people. It also means that all the assholes who I can be a bitch to on the street when they hit on me are allowed to flirt, stare, and even touch me on the job. I don’t work at a seedy restaurant…this place is right on the water and the area usually gets an upper-class clientele. There really isn’t that much I can do about it…I have to be nice. My managers can’t even do too much about it. They can’t really kick someone out for asking me for hugs constantly, or “shaking” my hand and holding onto it for way too long, or touching my lower back, or calling me “sweetie,” “angelface,” “doll,” “honey,” “beautiful.” It makes me hate working in the bar. It makes me hate having to go back and back to that table, bringing them more and more drinks which will then only make them hit on me harder and harder. I think one time another guy in the group apologized and told them to back off, but believe me, it never usually happens.
There was ONE time it crossed the line. It was during a downtown event, so we were busy and people were drinking. A guy kept asking my name over and over because he kept forgetting it. He touched my shoulders, my waist, my hair, my hands. Finally he and his friends closed out their tab, and he pats the tip book and says “There’s a nice big tip in there for you.” Then he hooked his arm around my neck, drew me in to him, and kissed me, almost on the mouth. I pulled away, taking my tip book with me, and went to the security guy we hired for the day to tell him that this guy was behaving badly. He told the manager, and they went and kicked the guy out. I felt guilty, because I didn’t mean to kick him out, I only meant to have him watched. I felt guilty because I felt like I overreacted and ruined his evening. But it had gotten to the point where, unless I absolutely had to walk by him, I was hiding in the server station so he wouldn’t see me and come over to talk to me.
I hate these douchebags who take advantage of my position and my job. I wish I could tell them all to fuck off, but I can’t. I have to be nice.
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I work in food service too, although I’m working on getting out and into women’s empowerment, and mandating a culture of respect in the workplace!
Where I work, it’s less of a “hit on” opportunity than what you described. However I do get the occasional “doll”, “sweetheart”, “hon”, or arm touch, etc, which I HATE WITH A PASSION. I feel it is a slap to my intelligence and personhood, and the fact that I’m simply trying to do my job.
I take the assertive approach, which my manager doesn’t like but hasn’t called me out on per se, yet: I tell these guys firmly not to call me that or touch me.
Usually, they seem surprised and are polite for the rest of their meal. Once though, the guy got really mad and left the restaurant shouting after me, “thanks a lot, Toots!” What an a**hole! What really pissed me off was that my manager wouldn’t 86 him, although she easily could’ve. She said there was nothing that could be done and just to “smile and nod.”
My viewpoint is, I will perform the tasks required of me, but I draw the line at selling my dignity under the guise of “it’s part of the job.” I am human with rights to respect and a voice! And, the customer has a responsibility to behave responsibly! They get away with murder, only because our culture is resistant respecting women in all circumstances, excuses unwanted come-ons as “compliments”, “boys will be boys”, etc, and uses customer service as a BS free-for-all.